Dear Examiner

Well, looks like I've figured out where our school's stolen its slogan from!

Dear Examiner,  

Sooo... 'sup? 

I guess this is it then, isn't it? Results are right round the corner. And I'll be honest; I've never been more nervous in my life. 
I wasn't this nervous when Harry walked into the Forbidden Forest.
Or when Tris was on her way to Erudite headquarters.
Heck, I don't even think I was this nervous when Percy arrived at Polyphemus' island. (Oops, spoiler alert?)
Which is saying something. But CIE exams do tend to have that kind of effect on people. 

And then there was this.

Thanks for the reminder! It had completely escaped my notice. It's not like results have been haunting me since June! Where would we be without you, Cambridge? 

Anyway, the point of this letter isn't to whine about how hard exams were, or about how you decided to change the exam format out of nowhere (*cough cough*). I've whined about that enough these past two months. No, this letter is to explain how I'm feeling, to put things into perspective, and to empathize with my fellow CIE victims, who, quite evidently, aren't taking things very well either.

It kind of goes without saying, doesn't it? I mean, we got #resultsdayexcuses trending worldwide on Twitter!
And by now, with only 3 days, 6 hours, 27 minutes and 57 seconds left, I think it's high time that we decided our courses of action regarding this whole CIE exam results mumbo jumbo thing.

And the way I see it, there are really only 3 things we can do.

Course of action #1 involves booking a ticket on the next flight out of the country.

Course of action #2 involves penning down a long list of excuses for the ol' mom and pops! (In blue or black ink only, please).

This course of action will usually begin with: 

And end with:

So though this is not a very advisable route, I have still helpfully written down (with the help of the hashtag) a whole bunch of excuses which you may borrow, should you choose this option:

-Must have used pencil.

-Must have written on the bar code.

-Failing is a learning experience. It teaches you humility. It teaches you to work harder. It's also a powerful motivator.

-I was lowering the grade boundaries for everyone else.

-I just didn't understand why Imrad wanted to buy 39 tomatoes for £3 each from the store.

-Harry Potter killed Voldemort, and he didn't have A-levels!

-Allah has a greater plan for me.

And since my birthday is 6 days after results, I can use the good old "I'm only 15!" excuse.

Course of action #3, though the most trying of the three, is really the best, and it involves standing your ground and accepting whatever results you get.

Preach, Swagrid!

So yeah, #3 is the one you want to follow. Because as tempting as it sounds to exit the country or hide in your room till the next CIE exam session comes round, you've got to own up to it all eventually. And you never know, you may just get all the grades you wanted (In Shaa Allah), and all that worrying would have been for nothing! And if you don't, well, whatever. It's not the end of the world (despite what your parents may tell you, over and over and over again!). You can still do cool beans things without the best grades on the planet. And that's been proven again and again throughout history!

So don't sweat it, kid. You'll do fine, In Shaa Allah. Besides, if all else fails, just remember these wise words by Caspar Lee:

So HA HA, Mr. Examiner! You couldn't dampen our spirits with a fully functional hose. 

Hope you had a fun summer correcting all those exams!

Pip pip, cheerio.
Lots of indescribable hate love, Candidate 0148 (I think).