Of Air Strikes, Human Shields, and Elixir-infused Cupcakes

We all know what's been going on in Gaza for the past month or so.

Or at least, those of us who haven't been brainwashed by BBC and Fox News know what's been going on. Gaza is under fire. And it's one of the most disgusting things you'll ever see.

According to The Guardian, around half a million citizens of Gaza have been forced to flee their homes following Israeli air strikes, and there are currently more than 200,000 living in United Nations schools. At least 60,000 Gazans are currently homeless. Not to mention, roads, sanitation systems, the water supply, and power generation distribution networks have all been severely damaged. Thanks, IDF.

For those of you who don't know, the IDF are the Israeli Defense Forces. And by 'defense', I mean 'offense'. Because I can't imagine why Israel would need to defend itself against these little guys.

448 Palestinian children, and counting, have been killed, and more than 2,500 kids have been injured so far in this 2014 "conflict". "Conflict". As far as I'm concerned, conflicts aren't one-sided. More than 1900 Gazan civilans have been killed, while only 3 Israeli civilians, and 64 Israeli soldiers, have been killed. Let's be real; this isn't a conflict or a war. It is an attempt to wipe out an entire community. This is something that we shouldn't stand for. This is something that no one with a shred of a conscious should stand for. Killing children, children who have the right to play and laugh and be happy, is pathetic and cowardly. These kids have seen horrors we could never imagine in our darkest dreams. All they know is terror. They have seen their mothers screaming, their houses destroyed, their families murdered before their very eyes. The ones fortunate enough to have survived these attacks live on with permanent psychological and emotional scars. All because they are claimed to be "human shields".

"Human shields".

So Israel claims that these children and their families, these innocent civilians, are being used by Hamas as human shields, and that that is the only reason Israel is attacking them. What about the four children who were playing football on the beach in Gaza, who were specifically targeted and shelled? Were they also being used as "human shields"? My bad. What about the eight children that were playing in the park that was bombed on the first day of Eid? Were they being used as "human shields"? Were Hamas's leaders hiding behind them, playing on the swings of that park as well? Human shields, my foot! Israel has been bombing Palestinians way before Hamas was even formed, so these claims are complete rubbish. I think it's worth mentioning that Hamas has been in control of Gaza since 2007, when they won the Palestinian elections.

Google knows its facts.

Now why did all of this start? Well, in reality, it's started years ago. In the year 1948, to be exact. There's always been tension between Palestine and Israel, and rightly so, Israel stealing the Palestinians' land and whatnot. But what's with the attacks that started this summer? What're they all about? Well, apparently, it starts whenever you want it to. It all depends on the starting point you pick. You could say it started when Hamas allegedly kidnapped  a few Israeli "teenagers". But these "teenagers", in reality, were soldiers. There are many pictures available of them in their army suits, and the reason the Palestinians kidnapped these men was to trade them for some of the Palestinian prisoners who are currently detained in illegal Israeli prisons, which do not, by the way, follow human right protocols. So anyway, one Israeli soldier can be exchanged for around a thousand Palestinians. However, following the kidnapping, Israel responded by attacking thousands of innocent people who had nothing to do with any of this. What kind of messed up logic is that?! Or you could take the starting point as that time when Israel kidnapped Palestinian kids. But no one's going to remember that cause we all love Israel, right? You could also say it started when Hamas sent a few rockets into Israel, leading Israel to go attack a million times more violently, killing almost 2,000 civilians, who I'm pretty sure didn't fire those rockets.

 And that's only the first 3 weeks of it all.

What's more, is that Israel has been attacking UN shelters, schools and hospitals, and I don't know what tactic that is, but it's a pretty shallow one.

The whole affair is just really upsetting. While I was Googling pictures for this blog post, I saw pictures of the disfigured bodies of Gaza's murdered children that would make you want to vomit and cry and scream all at once. Pictures of mangled bodies drenched in blood. Pictures of organs spilling out of little bodies. Pictures of kids with guns pointed against their heads. Pictures of Israeli kids sending these "gifts" to the children of Palestine.

And you know what's worse? It's that so many of the world's countries continue to turn a blind eye to what's happening in Gaza. The US continues to aid Israel and refuses to agree to send them to the International Criminal Court, claiming that Israel have the right to defend themselves (against kids, mind you), and Britain and several EU members are parroting after the US, as expected. If it were any country besides Israel that had committed these crimes, the US would have taken actions an eternity ago. As Mohammed Zeyara put it, "Israel has broken 65 UN resolutions with no consequences. Iraq broke 2  and got invaded, bombed and destroyed." 

Then there's Egypt, the only Arab country neighbouring Gaza, who refuses to open its borders for a wide selection of invalid reasons that mean nothing when you consider the fact that PEOPLE ARE DYING IN GAZA! Trapped behind the border, in the jail that is their own beloved soil.

Heartless. That's the only word I have to describe this.

Luckily, there are a few nations that still have a sense of humanity. Lots of Latin American nations are showing their support for Gaza:

*Chile - Has suspended trade with Israel
*Brazil - Has recalled its Israeli ambassador
*Bolivia - Cut ties with Israel since "Operation Cast Lead" in 2009
*Venezuela - Cut ties with Israel since "Operation Cast Lead" in 2009
*Nicaragua - Cut ties with Israel after attack on Freedom Flotilla to Gaza, 2010
*Ecuador - Recalled its Israeli ambassador after attack on Freedom Flotilla to Gaza*Cuba - Broke diplomatic ties with Israel back in 1973.
*Argentina- Has stopped allowing Israeli nationality to all Argentinean passport holders and sends a profound, pained tribute to the children killed in the strikes.
*Peru and El Salvador have also recalled their ambassadors to Israel for consultations.

And though many Arab countries are embarrassingly not really doing much about this massacre, some of them are sending monetary aid, and a few gems, like Algeria,  are doing their jobs quite well.

And it gives me a bit of hope to see that all around the world, people are demonstrating against Israel's crimes and supporting our Palestinian family, because it's not about being a Muslim or an Arab or a Palestinian... It's about being a human. It's about humanity.

South Africans being awesome.

Londoners being awesome.

And Americans being awesome.

Now, I want to make something perfectly clear. I do not hate Jews, and I am totally against the Holocaust. Judaism is a religion, like any other, and deserves to be respected, and as do Jews. Zionism and Judaism are not the same thing. The Prophet Muhammad PBUH respected his Jewish friends, visited them when they got sick and allowed the Jews to practice their religion freely. It is the Zionists that are reflecting a horrible image of the Jewish community. Most Orthodox Jews are against Zionism and were against an Israeli state to begin with. So please understand that people protesting against Israel does not make them anti-Semites.

Pro-Palestinian Jews are super duper cool.

And I'll be honest; anyone who thinks that Palestinian land really does belongs to Israel is bonkers. And Israelis suddenly realized that this land was theirs in 1948? Give me a break.

Imagine if it were some other country, the USA for example, having its soil being taken away from it, bit by bit, by people who don't have the right.

Yes, what's going on in Gaza is really, really sad.

But through all the happenings in Gaza, we seem to have forgotten our brothers and sisters in Syria, and in all the other countries currently in crisis as well. Talking of Syria, we're 3 years into the Syrian civil war, but casualties are still high, and the Syrians continue to be victims of downright oppression. When will the Syrian government get the message that they are unwanted, get off their high horses and do a Mubarak? They can't simply carry on attacking their people. They are no better than the Zionists. And then there's Iraq, where about 140,000 people have fled from regions in the north just this week. 40 children have died because of violence, displacement and dehydration. Then there's the fighting in South Sudan, which has killed thousands, displaced hundreds of thousands more, and has left vulnerable populations in dire living conditions being worsened by seasonal rains. In South Sudan, nearly 1 million children under the age of 5 will require treatment for acute malnutrition this year, according to UNICEF. And I could just go on and on and on...

So I think it's safe to say that humanity isn't doing a really good job.

And when you think about it, it's awfully depressing that there's no telling when all the fighting going on all over the world will stop. Will it even stop? I doubt it, because there will always be bad people in the world. People who aren't pained by seeing children dying. People who couldn't care less about the innocent being murdered. People who just don't value justice and honour. If only there were only a way to rid the world of these bad people! Not to kill them... that would just lead to more tension. Maybe we could bake a really big batch of cupcakes, concoct an elixir of peace or something, and infuse the cupcakes with it. Then we could feed all those people these cupcakes, and hey presto!

Just imagine if it were that easy. A bite out of these cupcakes, and Bob's your uncle! No one fighting, no one burning down Masjids or churches or houses or shelters, no children dying simply for being of a particular nationality, no racism, no hate... These Cupcakes of Glory would totally put an end to worldsuck.

But sadly, I don't think there is such an elixir. And though I do know how to bake cupcakes without burning them (batch 2 today were a total success!), there are so many bad people in this world, more than I could possibly count, that I couldn't possibly make that amount of cupcakes. I guess we're going to have to end worldsuck the hard way... by promoting the qualities that many people don't seem to value any more, like honesty, integrity, kindness and 'not-killing-almost-500-children-for-no-reason-at-all'ness. That would be a good idea.

And though there's no way to make the world a completely perfect place, we can try.

As for our brothers and sisters who are living in crisis all over the world, we continue to pray for you, and will continue to spread awareness about your plights. We will boycott as many companies that fund your enemies as we can, and please know that we are with you through everything.

And heck, maybe someday, someone will concoct Cupcakes of Glory which will rid the world of all those bad people...

A girl can dream.

My Amazing Athleticism

So I tried to work out today.
I can't tell you how bad that went.

It started off with me attempting to do the 'Harry Potter workout', in which you're supposed to watch the movie and do a specific exercise every time a certain thing happens. For example, every time someone says 'Voldemort', you've got to do 5 push ups, and every time a painting talks, you've got to do 15 crunches, and so on. And after about an hour of that, I am literally aching all over.

Which brings us to one of my most humiliating revelations yet: I'm an absolute failure at anything remotely athletic.

There! I said it! Though I have many talents, such as breaking things, speed-reading fan fiction and getting myself so excited about such trivial things I can barely fall asleep at night, athletics sadly aren't on that list. And it's just always been this way. PE has always been my worst subject (classic nerd right here!). I just suck at sports, and as sad as it is, I can hardly do a sit up to save my life.

So you can imagine how pathetic the whole Harry Potter workout affair was. But the really humiliating part was that my 10 year old brother and 6 year old sister seemed to get these workouts done, no problem. They got down and did 5 push ups before I could say, "Grindylow". And all I could do was blink at them, with my mouth hanging slightly open (very attractively, I might add). It took me, on the other hand, an eternity to do a few 'not exactly push ups', with my sister cheering me on and teaching me how to do them properly the entire way through. 

What a shokhi!

I need to get my shiz together, man.

Because unless you're supposed to grasp around trying to hold onto the air around you for dear life during sit ups, or fall flat on your stomach after every push up, then I'm doing something wrong.

And now, bless my soul, my sister wants me to play Eye Toy with her, and I don't think my achy body can tolerate any more jumping around.

That, my friends, is the curse of my not-so-amazing athleticism. 

I think I'll just stick to fan fiction.

Dear Examiner

Well, looks like I've figured out where our school's stolen its slogan from!

Dear Examiner,  

Sooo... 'sup? 

I guess this is it then, isn't it? Results are right round the corner. And I'll be honest; I've never been more nervous in my life. 
I wasn't this nervous when Harry walked into the Forbidden Forest.
Or when Tris was on her way to Erudite headquarters.
Heck, I don't even think I was this nervous when Percy arrived at Polyphemus' island. (Oops, spoiler alert?)
Which is saying something. But CIE exams do tend to have that kind of effect on people. 

And then there was this.

Thanks for the reminder! It had completely escaped my notice. It's not like results have been haunting me since June! Where would we be without you, Cambridge? 

Anyway, the point of this letter isn't to whine about how hard exams were, or about how you decided to change the exam format out of nowhere (*cough cough*). I've whined about that enough these past two months. No, this letter is to explain how I'm feeling, to put things into perspective, and to empathize with my fellow CIE victims, who, quite evidently, aren't taking things very well either.

It kind of goes without saying, doesn't it? I mean, we got #resultsdayexcuses trending worldwide on Twitter!
And by now, with only 3 days, 6 hours, 27 minutes and 57 seconds left, I think it's high time that we decided our courses of action regarding this whole CIE exam results mumbo jumbo thing.

And the way I see it, there are really only 3 things we can do.

Course of action #1 involves booking a ticket on the next flight out of the country.

Course of action #2 involves penning down a long list of excuses for the ol' mom and pops! (In blue or black ink only, please).

This course of action will usually begin with: 

And end with:

So though this is not a very advisable route, I have still helpfully written down (with the help of the hashtag) a whole bunch of excuses which you may borrow, should you choose this option:

-Must have used pencil.

-Must have written on the bar code.

-Failing is a learning experience. It teaches you humility. It teaches you to work harder. It's also a powerful motivator.

-I was lowering the grade boundaries for everyone else.

-I just didn't understand why Imrad wanted to buy 39 tomatoes for £3 each from the store.

-Harry Potter killed Voldemort, and he didn't have A-levels!

-Allah has a greater plan for me.

And since my birthday is 6 days after results, I can use the good old "I'm only 15!" excuse.

Course of action #3, though the most trying of the three, is really the best, and it involves standing your ground and accepting whatever results you get.

Preach, Swagrid!

So yeah, #3 is the one you want to follow. Because as tempting as it sounds to exit the country or hide in your room till the next CIE exam session comes round, you've got to own up to it all eventually. And you never know, you may just get all the grades you wanted (In Shaa Allah), and all that worrying would have been for nothing! And if you don't, well, whatever. It's not the end of the world (despite what your parents may tell you, over and over and over again!). You can still do cool beans things without the best grades on the planet. And that's been proven again and again throughout history!

So don't sweat it, kid. You'll do fine, In Shaa Allah. Besides, if all else fails, just remember these wise words by Caspar Lee:

So HA HA, Mr. Examiner! You couldn't dampen our spirits with a fully functional hose. 

Hope you had a fun summer correcting all those exams!

Pip pip, cheerio.
Lots of indescribable hate love, Candidate 0148 (I think).

Corruption- Poem

With her head in the clouds

And the stars in her eyes

And the words that she spews

And the tears that she cries

And her bitter regrets

All the groans and the sighs

And the questions she ponders

And the “how”s and the “why”s

And the times she collapses

As the hope she felt dies

And her hands clamp her ears

To block out all the lies

It’s a harsh world she lives in

A world of broken ties

She was taught to resent

And to hate and despise

And she stumbles and tumbles

But she tries and she tries

Her whole past’s marked with scars

But with time, she grows wise

Through the highs and the lows

And the lows and the highs

Cause sometimes she may fall

Other times, she just flies

Her heart opens up

And this time she complies

She is done with runny noses

Fallen hair, blood-shot eyes

Now her head is thrown back

As she faces the skies

With a smile on her face

She will rise

She will rise

My Favourite Things Parody

So... on the way back home from Dubai in the car today, I suddenly decided I wanted to write a parody to My Favourite Things from the Sound of Music. And so I did. Here goes:

Lodges and woodlands and warm woolen jumpers
Football and riddles and poems and stumpers
Reading a book and the thrills that it brings
These are a few of my favourite things
Detectives that solve cases without hassle
Children that cast spells in magical castles
Wizards and Goblins and Hobbits and Rings
These are a few of my favourite things
Factions and Districts and sweet honeysuckle
Writers and YouTubers that make me chuckle
Vlogbrothers, ThatcherJoe, Miranda Sings
These are a few of my favourite things
Through nights of tears
Through all my fears
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember
my favourite things
and then I don't feel
so bad.

OH MY DAYS IT'S SO FREAKING HOT!!!

Can we talk about how hot it is outside?

All these years in Abu Dhabi, and I doubt it's ever been this bad. Merely walking two blocks has become quite the struggle! If it's this way now, then I don't even want to know how it's going to be like in another ten, twenty years, when our loser human actions towards this glorious planet really begin to take their toll.

Seriously though, you'd think that after eight whole years of this heat I'd be used to it by now. Yet, here I am, writing a blog post about it.

It doesn't help that my mom feels the need to mutter "حر عجيب" with every step we take, or that I am an exceedingly fabulous unicorn who insists on wearing sweatshirts right smack bang in  the middle of summer. 

However, there are a few advantages. First off, you can roast your marshmallows outside.

You can also bake outside.

Also, if you're carrying around food when you're out, you don't have to worry about it going cold. Hey, if anything, you've got yourself a natural portable microwave.

Also also, you never have to worry about it being cold, or about lugging around a jacket with you (unless you're an exceedingly fabulous unicorn).

So, really this heat is sort of a good thing, isn't it? 39ºC? Come on... that's not too bad.

Besides, maybe it's only the fact that I grew up in the cold that I find the weather here totally unbearable.

Or maybe it's just flipping hot.

Why Nerds Will Inevitably Rule The World

"What a nerd!"

You hear it all the time at school. You may have been called one. I was when I was a kid. And it used to really bother me....

UNTIL I REALIZED THAT BEING A NERD IS THE MOST AWESOME-SAUCE FREAKING THING EVER!!!

First off, can we please clear something up? Being a nerd does not mean you don't know how to have fun. It just means that you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. Being a nerd gives you the liberty to be your own person and to not care what other people think! It means you can spazz and rave and enthuse about whatever you want, and you don't have to live up to anyone's expectations of you. And it sure as hell is refreshing!

Second, as John Green ever so brilliantly put it, "Saying 'I noticed you're a nerd" is like saying "hey, I noticed that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?'"

Preach, Green!

So basically, if you're a nerd, then you're just more intellectually advanced than everyone else, making you a million billion trillion times more likely to succeed in life. And therefore more likely to rule the world.

Also, there's a candy named after us. So we win at life.

Here's another gem from our old pal, Mr. Green:

“…because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.”

So next time you insult someone by calling them a nerd, you better think of something better to say. Because telling someone that they're studious, cultured, intelligent and likely to be sorted into Ravenclaw (Luna Lovegood and Ollivander's House, just saying!) sounds pretty much like a compliment to me!

(Also, did you see how Erudite freaking owned all the other Factions? Knowledge, guys!)

"What a nerd!"
They say it like it's a bad thing.

Expressions That Shouldn't Be Expressions

I keep telling myself that I should maybe write something nice on this blog. Then I remember its name.
So here's a bunch of expressions that I find bizarre!
(Who comes up with these things?)

1. The saying "easy as pie".

Anyone who's ever made pie knows that making it is not easy. So by that logic, this phrase might as well be "easy as pure maths".


2. "It ain't over till the fat lady sings."

 I didn't know the Fat Lady could sing!

3. To "headbutt" someone.

Striking someone's face or body with your head like this is not a headbutt.

A headbutt is what happens to me after every Sujoud at the Masjid.


4. To give someone "a run for their money".

Which is really not a nice thing to do to someone.

Hey, look! I've drawn a picture describing human nature!

5. To be "broke".

Just because you don't have any money, doesn't mean you're broken and worthless.
This saying is so typical of the money-worshiping society we live in and is the very reason our kind fails at attaining long-term happiness and peace of mind, with the mentality we currently have forcing us to perceive mon-

"Malak, do you need some sleep?"

"Yes!"

6. "Break a leg."

This statement has boggled me for years, so I looked into it. And I found this:

While it may seem strange to wish someone good luck by wishing an injury upon them, this phrase came about in the theater, where superstition dictated that wishing someone good luck would have the opposite result, whereas a curse would be reversed.

Huh!

7. "What goes up must come down."

No! What goes up does not necessarily have to come down! In fact, if it wasn't for the force of gravity, what goes up would just keep going up! That's Newton's First Law for you! Stop trying to be philosophical and get yo facts right!

8. "James Rodríguez moves to Real Madrid."

These six words should never ever ever ever ever ever ever be used in that order in a sentence.

9. "Bob's your uncle."

Which is used in Britain to mean "and there you have it!"
But really, it's the most ridiculous expression I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure Hassan's my uncle.

Bob is amazed at the number of nephews and nieces he has.

10. To be "head over heels in love".

Do these guys realize that heads are always over heels?! That's basic human anatomy, people!

11. "It's raining cats and dogs".

God forbid.

And lastly...
12. "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

Wanna bet?

The Seed

I lay on a day as warm as May, on a lawn so damp and green,
Outside, my coat was as hard as stone, but inside, I had a dream.
I wanted to change the world, but it was rather tough, you see,
For a coated piece of embryo, as small and weak as me.
The others thought that I was mad, they said I'd lost my wits,
That folks like us don't go make change, they lie in apple pits.
But then one night, the wind blew hard, and before I was aware,
I found myself in a garden far, and boy, was it a scare!
I was buried deep down in the soil, where sunlight does not shine,
My chances at my dream diminished, and I was out of time.
But as time passed, I felt that something was brewing inside,
And soon a root and shoot emerged, and I was filled with pride.
I flourished and thrived over time, and soon stood firm and tall,
And apples glistened on my arms, like blood-red shiny balls.
But though I was tall and strong and I evidently grew,
I couldn't help but notice that my dream had not come true.
And misery engulfed me, and I felt really dejected,
I hadn't changed the world just yet. My fears had been projected.
But one day in the summer heat, a young man, he arrived,
And sat down at my feet and contemplated his whole life.
Then suddenly, it hit me, and I knew what must be done,
I'd drop an apple on his head in three, two, one...
The apple fell, I heard a groan, he turned and glared at me,
Five seconds later, the man gasped and whispered "gravity!"
I'd done it, I'd achieved my dream, it called for celebration,
Believe it or not, I had set down the physics foundation.
And Newton prospered, and he wrote an entire book too!
Just look at what a coated piece of embryo can do.

SUMMER OF AWESOME

I have a confession to make.

Truth is, I am one of those people who make a list of all sorts of exhilarating, adventurous, and productive things to do during summer holiday. But once the reality of not having AS levels to study for sinks in, I generally end up lying around watching TV, sleeping, and surfing the internet.

But can you blame me? Once you're trapped in that loop, there ain't no going back, son.

It's not like those are the only things I've done all summer. I mean, I am currently employed at a summer camp for kids, and am earning a whopping salary of $00.00!!! And though the kids are adorable (Ma Shaa Allah!), and it is sort of nice entertaining them 5 hours a day, 6 days a week... it can get incredibly tiring (especially for no pay). Also, spending my evenings picking glue off of my fingers is not what I had in mind when I planned this whole "Summer of Awesome" thing. And if I get into one more conversation in which I must reply to every single statement with "Really? Wow!", I think I might just go mad.

A few of the things on that damned list were to start exercising, to carry on learning French, to learn to cook, and to decide what on earth I wanted to do with my life. And seeing as I still can't do a push-up, my francais est tres crap, we're a month into summer and I can't remember a time when I put something in the oven and it didn't come out burnt, and I just found out that professional football-watching is not an option, I think it's safe to say that I can cross off... let's see... one, tw- NO ITEMS OFF MY LIST.

I won't say this summer is going badly. I got to see my best friend after ages,  I got into a full-on water-fight with our, ahem, "graduates", which was fun, and I went for Umrah, so this summer is at least an improvement to 2012's (which I spent drowning in self-inflicted misery). But in terms of exhilaration, in all honesty, the most exciting part of it all was when our car wouldn't start halfway between Makkah and Al-Madinah.

And in terms of productivity,... heh heh.