Corruption- Poem

With her head in the clouds

And the stars in her eyes

And the words that she spews

And the tears that she cries

And her bitter regrets

All the groans and the sighs

And the questions she ponders

And the “how”s and the “why”s

And the times she collapses

As the hope she felt dies

And her hands clamp her ears

To block out all the lies

It’s a harsh world she lives in

A world of broken ties

She was taught to resent

And to hate and despise

And she stumbles and tumbles

But she tries and she tries

Her whole past’s marked with scars

But with time, she grows wise

Through the highs and the lows

And the lows and the highs

Cause sometimes she may fall

Other times, she just flies

Her heart opens up

And this time she complies

She is done with runny noses

Fallen hair, blood-shot eyes

Now her head is thrown back

As she faces the skies

With a smile on her face

She will rise

She will rise

My Favourite Things Parody

So... on the way back home from Dubai in the car today, I suddenly decided I wanted to write a parody to My Favourite Things from the Sound of Music. And so I did. Here goes:

Lodges and woodlands and warm woolen jumpers
Football and riddles and poems and stumpers
Reading a book and the thrills that it brings
These are a few of my favourite things
Detectives that solve cases without hassle
Children that cast spells in magical castles
Wizards and Goblins and Hobbits and Rings
These are a few of my favourite things
Factions and Districts and sweet honeysuckle
Writers and YouTubers that make me chuckle
Vlogbrothers, ThatcherJoe, Miranda Sings
These are a few of my favourite things
Through nights of tears
Through all my fears
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember
my favourite things
and then I don't feel
so bad.

OH MY DAYS IT'S SO FREAKING HOT!!!

Can we talk about how hot it is outside?

All these years in Abu Dhabi, and I doubt it's ever been this bad. Merely walking two blocks has become quite the struggle! If it's this way now, then I don't even want to know how it's going to be like in another ten, twenty years, when our loser human actions towards this glorious planet really begin to take their toll.

Seriously though, you'd think that after eight whole years of this heat I'd be used to it by now. Yet, here I am, writing a blog post about it.

It doesn't help that my mom feels the need to mutter "حر عجيب" with every step we take, or that I am an exceedingly fabulous unicorn who insists on wearing sweatshirts right smack bang in  the middle of summer. 

However, there are a few advantages. First off, you can roast your marshmallows outside.

You can also bake outside.

Also, if you're carrying around food when you're out, you don't have to worry about it going cold. Hey, if anything, you've got yourself a natural portable microwave.

Also also, you never have to worry about it being cold, or about lugging around a jacket with you (unless you're an exceedingly fabulous unicorn).

So, really this heat is sort of a good thing, isn't it? 39ºC? Come on... that's not too bad.

Besides, maybe it's only the fact that I grew up in the cold that I find the weather here totally unbearable.

Or maybe it's just flipping hot.

Why Nerds Will Inevitably Rule The World

"What a nerd!"

You hear it all the time at school. You may have been called one. I was when I was a kid. And it used to really bother me....

UNTIL I REALIZED THAT BEING A NERD IS THE MOST AWESOME-SAUCE FREAKING THING EVER!!!

First off, can we please clear something up? Being a nerd does not mean you don't know how to have fun. It just means that you don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. Being a nerd gives you the liberty to be your own person and to not care what other people think! It means you can spazz and rave and enthuse about whatever you want, and you don't have to live up to anyone's expectations of you. And it sure as hell is refreshing!

Second, as John Green ever so brilliantly put it, "Saying 'I noticed you're a nerd" is like saying "hey, I noticed that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?'"

Preach, Green!

So basically, if you're a nerd, then you're just more intellectually advanced than everyone else, making you a million billion trillion times more likely to succeed in life. And therefore more likely to rule the world.

Also, there's a candy named after us. So we win at life.

Here's another gem from our old pal, Mr. Green:

“…because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff… Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.”

So next time you insult someone by calling them a nerd, you better think of something better to say. Because telling someone that they're studious, cultured, intelligent and likely to be sorted into Ravenclaw (Luna Lovegood and Ollivander's House, just saying!) sounds pretty much like a compliment to me!

(Also, did you see how Erudite freaking owned all the other Factions? Knowledge, guys!)

"What a nerd!"
They say it like it's a bad thing.

Expressions That Shouldn't Be Expressions

I keep telling myself that I should maybe write something nice on this blog. Then I remember its name.
So here's a bunch of expressions that I find bizarre!
(Who comes up with these things?)

1. The saying "easy as pie".

Anyone who's ever made pie knows that making it is not easy. So by that logic, this phrase might as well be "easy as pure maths".


2. "It ain't over till the fat lady sings."

 I didn't know the Fat Lady could sing!

3. To "headbutt" someone.

Striking someone's face or body with your head like this is not a headbutt.

A headbutt is what happens to me after every Sujoud at the Masjid.


4. To give someone "a run for their money".

Which is really not a nice thing to do to someone.

Hey, look! I've drawn a picture describing human nature!

5. To be "broke".

Just because you don't have any money, doesn't mean you're broken and worthless.
This saying is so typical of the money-worshiping society we live in and is the very reason our kind fails at attaining long-term happiness and peace of mind, with the mentality we currently have forcing us to perceive mon-

"Malak, do you need some sleep?"

"Yes!"

6. "Break a leg."

This statement has boggled me for years, so I looked into it. And I found this:

While it may seem strange to wish someone good luck by wishing an injury upon them, this phrase came about in the theater, where superstition dictated that wishing someone good luck would have the opposite result, whereas a curse would be reversed.

Huh!

7. "What goes up must come down."

No! What goes up does not necessarily have to come down! In fact, if it wasn't for the force of gravity, what goes up would just keep going up! That's Newton's First Law for you! Stop trying to be philosophical and get yo facts right!

8. "James Rodríguez moves to Real Madrid."

These six words should never ever ever ever ever ever ever be used in that order in a sentence.

9. "Bob's your uncle."

Which is used in Britain to mean "and there you have it!"
But really, it's the most ridiculous expression I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure Hassan's my uncle.

Bob is amazed at the number of nephews and nieces he has.

10. To be "head over heels in love".

Do these guys realize that heads are always over heels?! That's basic human anatomy, people!

11. "It's raining cats and dogs".

God forbid.

And lastly...
12. "You can't have your cake and eat it too."

Wanna bet?

The Seed

I lay on a day as warm as May, on a lawn so damp and green,
Outside, my coat was as hard as stone, but inside, I had a dream.
I wanted to change the world, but it was rather tough, you see,
For a coated piece of embryo, as small and weak as me.
The others thought that I was mad, they said I'd lost my wits,
That folks like us don't go make change, they lie in apple pits.
But then one night, the wind blew hard, and before I was aware,
I found myself in a garden far, and boy, was it a scare!
I was buried deep down in the soil, where sunlight does not shine,
My chances at my dream diminished, and I was out of time.
But as time passed, I felt that something was brewing inside,
And soon a root and shoot emerged, and I was filled with pride.
I flourished and thrived over time, and soon stood firm and tall,
And apples glistened on my arms, like blood-red shiny balls.
But though I was tall and strong and I evidently grew,
I couldn't help but notice that my dream had not come true.
And misery engulfed me, and I felt really dejected,
I hadn't changed the world just yet. My fears had been projected.
But one day in the summer heat, a young man, he arrived,
And sat down at my feet and contemplated his whole life.
Then suddenly, it hit me, and I knew what must be done,
I'd drop an apple on his head in three, two, one...
The apple fell, I heard a groan, he turned and glared at me,
Five seconds later, the man gasped and whispered "gravity!"
I'd done it, I'd achieved my dream, it called for celebration,
Believe it or not, I had set down the physics foundation.
And Newton prospered, and he wrote an entire book too!
Just look at what a coated piece of embryo can do.

SUMMER OF AWESOME

I have a confession to make.

Truth is, I am one of those people who make a list of all sorts of exhilarating, adventurous, and productive things to do during summer holiday. But once the reality of not having AS levels to study for sinks in, I generally end up lying around watching TV, sleeping, and surfing the internet.

But can you blame me? Once you're trapped in that loop, there ain't no going back, son.

It's not like those are the only things I've done all summer. I mean, I am currently employed at a summer camp for kids, and am earning a whopping salary of $00.00!!! And though the kids are adorable (Ma Shaa Allah!), and it is sort of nice entertaining them 5 hours a day, 6 days a week... it can get incredibly tiring (especially for no pay). Also, spending my evenings picking glue off of my fingers is not what I had in mind when I planned this whole "Summer of Awesome" thing. And if I get into one more conversation in which I must reply to every single statement with "Really? Wow!", I think I might just go mad.

A few of the things on that damned list were to start exercising, to carry on learning French, to learn to cook, and to decide what on earth I wanted to do with my life. And seeing as I still can't do a push-up, my francais est tres crap, we're a month into summer and I can't remember a time when I put something in the oven and it didn't come out burnt, and I just found out that professional football-watching is not an option, I think it's safe to say that I can cross off... let's see... one, tw- NO ITEMS OFF MY LIST.

I won't say this summer is going badly. I got to see my best friend after ages,  I got into a full-on water-fight with our, ahem, "graduates", which was fun, and I went for Umrah, so this summer is at least an improvement to 2012's (which I spent drowning in self-inflicted misery). But in terms of exhilaration, in all honesty, the most exciting part of it all was when our car wouldn't start halfway between Makkah and Al-Madinah.

And in terms of productivity,... heh heh.